Towards The Sun: Day 1

What story am I writing?

I looked at the picture of me next to my bed. A four years old Jocylin stared right back at me. Her eyes, so pure and hopeful. She did not know what lies ahead, the highs and lows, the heartbreaks and bursts of love. I want to hug her and say, “I am becoming. This is just the beginning…”

2022 — A “belated: beginning

I want to be honest. It’s only the second week of the new year and I’m struggling with my mood, energy and outlook. I feel isolated and low energy, like the weather, my life seems so bleak at the moment. Unemployed, moved home with my parents, alone, age 32 and exhausted. It has been months since I’m in my current situation.

In 2021, I have let go of many things. I am at ground zero again. But this time, with a community and a pair of loving parents who support me. Yet I feel alone and lost at times. My thoughts get the best of me. Fear, anxiety and limiting beliefs have been my lifelong companion. When you fall down so many times, it is as if they are the only reality you know.

But here I am. Still standing. Still breathing. Still believing.

I know, I can never run away from myself. This is it. I’m all I have, from the beginning till the end. So I’m going to use this space, to write a story, of love, of joy, of transformation and everything that’s in between. My story of spiralling upwards. I’m not alone. We all have our own struggles no matter where we are in our lives. I want to tell you, I hear you. I see you. I feel you. You’re enough. You are not alone. You’re loving yourself the only way you know. Life is all about learning, to be with yourself every step of the way.

It’s okay to feel this way.

Cry when you’re hurt. Sleep when you’re tired.

You’re healing. You’re growing. You’re transforming.

“LET’S set ourselves on fire, and let the world watch us burn”